The Part Time Job
by What-if-it-was
Summary: Urahara suddenly starts spouting random adages. Yoruichi thinks he's crazy, but Urahara is determined to prove each and every one right. With a little help. This is random and may make no sense whatsoever. I don't own Bleach.


Urahara has been sharing some adages with Yoruichi. She thinks they're crazy, so he sets out to prove them. With a little help.

* * *

_**When an old friend of Urahara's asked for help Urahara proved:**__ If you push something hard enough, it will fall over._

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with test tubes and lab coats on top?"

"What the fuck? And _no!_"

"Come on, you know it'll be fun Yoruichi…"

"I said no, and that's final."

"Aww… we really need you, we can't do it without you…"

She looked at him for a moment. Stupid puppy dog eyes.

"Yoruichi, please?"

She sighed.

"If it's so desperately important, then fine, I'll go bird watching with you and Isshin."

They were in a tree outside Masaki's apartment.

"Why am I necessary for this…" she asked exasperatedly. The guys looked at her in confusion.

"Isn't it obvious?" Kisuke grinned savagely. "We need someone of the _opposite _sex to keep watch."

Isshin nodded enthusiastically, never taking his eyes off the woman in her kitchen. Yoruichi sighed. What had this world come to?

o0O

_**When Yoruichi felt like being mean Urahara proved: **__The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management._

When Urahara shared the adage with her, Yoruichi's eyes widened in mock horror.

"Oh dear! How did you know?"

His eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

"Know what?"

"You do realize that's the only reason I recommended you for the captain of the twelfth squad right?"

It took him a moment to register what she had just said.

"Hey!"

o0O

_**The day after Yuzu and Karin's births Urahara mournfully proved:**__ If you like it, they'll stop making it._

"But I love kids," Kisuke whined.

"Sorry, but I'm stopping at three," Isshin shrugged. "Make your own if you're so desperate."

Back in Seireitei, Mayuri turned off the listening device and set to work. He would out do Urahara, even if he _was_ banished to the living world.

And so Nemu was 'born.'

It never occurred to him that Isshin had been talking about the natural way.

Urahara (who was completely aware of the listening device in his clothes and had a few of his own in Mayuri's) refrained from mentioning the affects of his personal life while wearing his purple boxers after that.

o0O

_**When Urahara and Isshin reminisced for the first time in years after beating the Grand Fisher Urahara proved that: **__Demand creates its own supply._

"And just like that I discovered cardboard!"

"You never failed to amaze me."

o0O

_**After the war Soifon came to visit and she and Urahara proved: **__It is a simple task to make things complex, and a complex task to make them simple._

"Yoruichi-sama…" Soifon sang as she stepped into Yoruichi's room. "I have a _gift _for you." Urahara raised an eyebrow. He was sitting on Yoruichi's bed playing with one of her socks.

"May I help you?" he said deathly quiet. Soifon blanched. Where was Yoruichi? What was the mad-hatter doing in her idol's room playing with her socks? He wasn't supposed to know about her feelings. He glared at her.

She punched him in the face.

Kisuke rubbed his nose, bewildered. He had always suspected something was wrong with that girl…

o0O

_**When Yoruichi was curious she learned: **__Sometimes it's better not to know._

"Where did all those sayings come from anyways?" Yoruichi inquired finally. She was curious. "Ever since you came to the world of the living you've been sprouting all sorts of nonsense."

"I've been trying to figure out which ones most people would relate with for my part time job," Urahara explained with his mouth full. (It actually sounded more like 'ib n iing do igur pout which uns ost eepul ood e ate oor i art mime dob.') Yoruichi rolled her eyes gestured for him to swallow. When he did he scowled at her. She ignored him.

"What part time job?" she asked. He'd had a part time job all these years and she hadn't found out? She must be loosing her touch.

"You know, my job at the bumper sticker manufacturer?" he gave her a creepy grin.

Did she even want to know?

* * *

This may have made no sense whatsoever...


End file.
